on being alone

On Being Alone

For your Maker is your husband, the LORD Almighty is his name, the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. – Isaiah 54:5

Hey! Happy New Year! This is the first time I would write about anything remotely relating to relationships or marriage or all that juicy emotional stuff but I got a word and I know it would bless you!

As a single person (by single I mean not in a relationship or courtship), I have always had one major prayer: the prayer of companionship. I always ask God to bring someone into my life, not just so I can say I have a boyfriend (and people can stop asking me questions) but because I genuinely desire the companionship. I have a lot of things going on in my life (job, businesses, fellowship, family etc.) and no one to talk to it about it. I have friends, very close friends but you know it’s not the same as having that person that is just for you (winks), that person you know has your back no matter what, that person whose problem is to make sure you don’t have any problems (haha).

Anytime I imagine marriage, yes I imagine the sexy part, but I also imagine someone with me in the ups and down of life. Someone to follow me to my speaking engagements, or scream with me when I get awarded my CFA charter or help with my book signing etc. and I also deeply crave doing the same for him.


Living alone as a young, woman isn’t very easy; I got to points when it gets depressing arriving home after weeks of travelling to have cobwebs and dust greet me!; no one to welcome me or be happy am back. When your neighbours who are either married or are living with their partners cross your part, no one to fight on your behalf; trust me it gets depressing. There was a particular incident where a lady had quarrelled with me over placing my generator in a particular place, I had apologized and thought I made her see reason; just for her live-in boyfriend to come home hours after and almost knock my door down. Tell me, how do I argue with a man that is taller and wider than me with a louder and deeper voice? Anyway I argued, made some threats and got my way but I went into my room and cried, saying “God when you would give me my own person to look out for me and fight for me?” It has been radio silence until recently when something happened and I went back to God whining about not having anyone to stand up for me or look out for me and then he replied saying, you must get to the point where I am enough for you!

You must get to the point when God is enough for you!

No one can ever look out for you as well as God can, no one can ever fight for you as well as God can. No one can ever be the soul companion you need as well as God can and if God is not sufficient for you as a single person, no one would be sufficient for you even after you get married!

God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill? –  Num 23:19 NIV

Humans are just that human! My husband is an human and he would fail me, he would fail to look out for me on every occasion because he is not all knowing and all seeing; I would go through situations that he won’t be able to save me from no matter how much he loves me; he may be a quiet person that won’t even attempt to fight for me or what if he is on a trip when something happens? Do I become paralysed? Do I become useless?

“Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the LORD. — Jeremiah 17: 5

There is a special woe for people who trust and rely on men more than God. I believe that whether single or in a relationship or married, God has to be and remain the No. 1 go-to person for all our needs. We need to make God the focus of our attention, otherwise we run the risk of making men into gods in our lives. I learnt that even when I get married, it’s in God I must still seek my protection and defence and every other thing. God doesn’t ever stop being my source of provision or my confidant or my healer or my comforter or my warrior! That’s his job and that’s his place that must never ever be given to any human!

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Searching the scriptures further I was able to see that in the Garden of Eden; even though Adam was alone with no human companion, he didn’t feel a void, he didn’t even know he was alone or needed someone. It was God that made that call, not him. I went on to search why this happened and we see that it was habit for God to come to fellowship with Adam in the Garden of Eden in the evenings.

And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day… Genesis 3:8

Adam didn’t feel he was alone because his relationship with God was sufficient, he had regular communion with God thus that he didn’t need another companion until one was brought to him. I have always wondered how Jesus survived on earth without getting married or having close friends!

But Jesus did not entrust Himself to them, for He knew all men. He did not need any testimony about man, for He knew what was in a man – John 2: 24-25

But Jesus often withdrew to the wilderness for prayer. – Luke 5:16

That’s the key! The bible records that Jesus had regular communication and fellowship with God thus he was able to overcome on earth without anyone providing emotional support to him!

It’s good and appropriate for us to desire human companionship, it’s the will of God for us!

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” – Genesis 2:18

But in the process of him making a helper that is just right for us, we need to remember who our source is and cultivate that deep relationship with him that no man can replace or come in between and carry that relationship with us till we meet him face to face.

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Someone loves you more than any man/woman can ever attempt to love you; someone is closer to you than any man or woman will ever be and someone is looking out for you and fighting for you more than anyone can ever know. Rest in that!…whether you are male or female, your maker is your husband and the Almighty is his name!


Here are some scriptures to encourage you further;

It is better to take refuge in the LORD than to trust in humans. – Psalms 118:8

The LORD himself will fight for you. Just stay calm – Exodus 14: 4 NLT

Even if my father and mother abandon me, the LORD will hold me close. – Psalm 27:10

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. – Isaiah 41:10 NLT

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. – Romans 8: 38-40 NLT

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